Your level of inebriation probably plays a role in your response to this question. Your understanding with this film is probably going to do in like manner. It has Vikings, demons, some kind of alien artifact (we know this because it falls from the sky and glows green), and fierce female warriors, all of which are theoretically exciting. However, we rarely leave that room, and the action that follows has all the dynamism of a wet sponge.
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The heroes are in a religious community where they're clad in the pieces to cowhide to assist them with passing as serving vixens and sex laborers, as a feature of a superfluously muddled plan to unleash retaliation on the priests for selling their companions into subjection. It's unclear why they don't just poison the monks, who keep taking their drinks; They also delay stabbing them, which is unfortunate given that a group of Vikings arrive just as they are about to begin. To confound things further, the Vikings are being pursued by a gathering of evil spirits who have evidently been made by the previously mentioned outsider curio (which is given no further setting) and whose manager seems to be an activity figure for certain twigs stuck to it.
We are shown when other people have been possessed using the liquid eyeliner. A token character with martial arts skills should easily be able to floor everyone else, but he mysteriously sits on his hands for the majority of the film. The swords are used in a series of random clashes for which nobody appears to have received any training. In an attempt to maintain continuity, the raspberry sauce is squirted around at random to inform us that people have been hurt. In the midst of it all, a local lord who appears to be on a tight budget, Philip Schofield, betrays several characters in an effort to survive, but no one seems to notice or question their trust in him.
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Although there are parts of this that sound bad enough to be entertaining, the majority of the time, all you can watch is a group of people yelling at each other. The content is tragically limp, and continuous helpings of sexism don't demonstrate as interesting tense as the journalists might have trusted. The monsters have a lovable quality that reminds me of old Doctor Who, but they aren't real. Their rubber heads occasionally tilt too far forward, showing the human necks underneath.
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